Unthinkable

Peter Kapitola To me, going through life without using your brain is unthinkable.

Adam Brown I wished for a world with no hypotheticals - I now can't imagine it any other way.

Peter Kapitola Can you imagine a world without rhetorical questions?

Ben Rae I don't get it.

Stephen McAlpine Been in Canberra too long Ben Rae

Ben Rae I've always felt my subtle sense of humour is under appreciated Stephen McAlpine :)

Stephen McAlpine I must be tired

Ben Rae Well, in fairness Shelley considers my sense of humour to be more down the "non-existent"

Chris Roberts To me going sailing without knowing the depth of the water is unfathomable.

Chris Roberts My friend Vizzini thinks that idea of not being able to have kids is inconceivable.

Peter Kapitola The erection of a wall around the apiary made for an unbeeleaveable situation.

Something Smells Punny

Jessie Kapitola: "What does the Pacific smell like?"
Clearly I didn't say "Pacific-Centred" very clearly. Clearly.

Jessie Kapitola :P

Kerryn Kapitola What an odourious question.

Peter Kapitola The heart has its reasons of which reason nose nothing.

Kerryn Kapitola But you know what they say... Love stinks

So Much Cheese

Peter Kapitola This sounds too gouda to be true..... and there was de'brie everywhere....

Overturned cheese truck closes Princes Highway on NSW south coast

Curtis Armstrong Nacho gratest puns!

Peter Kapitola OK. I'll go Kraft some better ones.

Nick Thomas Oh Cheezus, that aint grate news

Ian Nitert God edam it!

Peter Kapitola Yeah it's terrible. I cheddar tear...

Curtis Armstrong Wheel leave you provolone to think about some better puns

Peter Kapitola Thanks curdis - whey to go.

Curtis Armstrong Lol, you cracker me up

Nick Thomas This has me a little blue, veinglorious puns aside.

Damien Bailey Shouldn't the headline read "overchurned cheese truck"??

Peter Kapitola I love how these puns are just flowing unfeta'd

Jeffrey J Reeder Brieware of bad drivers!

Peter Kapitola Hi Jeffrey. The first rule of pun club is.. never repeat a pun. :)

Boyd Zurg Yes, it brieches the rules :-P

Peter Kapitola I guess you're new to this so I could just let it brie.

Jeffrey J Reeder I won't do it again. I don't want to get grilled :p

Richard Kohlhagen This accident Begas belief, bet it's causing a real traffic edam.

Peter Kapitola Nooooooooo edam was used toooo :)

Richard Kohlhagen Edam your rules Peter, I'll wheel out what ever pun I feel like!

Boyd Zurg L'edam rip. You don't need Pete's parmesan :-)

Britt Anny Would not repeated topic words be affine in pun club culture if the play on the word is fresh?

Tracey Herridge Not related to the story but a cheese pun none the less... Which cheese do you use when you need to hide a horse??

Peter Kapitola Mascarpone :)

Tracey Herridge Which cheese do you use to lure a bear out of hiding?

Nick Thomas Camembert =D

Boyd Zurg What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Tracey Herridge Why haloumi!

Boyd Zurg I cheddar at the thought of repeated puns.

Richard Kohlhagen It's all a bit hit and swiss if you ask me.

Boyd Zurg It's hard to keep coont

Aron Raduly Drivers these days... This one was total Emmental

Boyd Zurg Yeah it wasn't a mature thing to do

Tiang Cheng I'm laughing so hard, I'm turning blue. That's better than wine-ing over spilt milk.

Nick Cooke I bet there's stiltons to clean up

Celeste Boska It was an insurance raclette

Paul Newbold stiff cheddar

Deb Hedley I bet it was a fun do.

Deb Hedley They didn't whey up the consequences.

Surprisingly Grammatical Insurance

Peter Kapitola If SGIO ever comes out with a Grammar Insurance policy, some people will finally be able to insure that they write properly.

Damien Bailey That would make them underwritten?

Larry Travis Either way, so long as people put a premium on good grammar.

Peter Kapitola I guess I shouldn't write people off just because of their poor grammar. That would be a bit excess-ive.

The Treety of Versigh.

Danielle Lynn Detjen My vote is still for Bob Ross. We all need more happy little trees in our life.

Dale Shepard Happy Little Trees give me Wood. . . . . Yeah i said it.

Danielle Lynn Detjen Dale went there. I knew someone wood, it was only a matter of time ;)

Jeffrey J Reeder I knew this conversation would branch out like this.

Danielle Lynn Detjen Yeah I'm stumped it didn't happen sooner. 

Jeffrey J Reeder I'm going to leaf that one alone.

Danielle Lynn Detjen You're right, we're barking up the wrong thing here. Better stick to the subject at hand!

Jeffrey J Reeder Too late. Dirty thoughts have been planted in my mind and have taken root.

Jeffrey J Reeder This thread has really blossomed, but I'm afraid I've run out of puns lol

Danielle Lynn Detjen Oh my god no Jeffrey! Think of the children! You need to spruce up your life for the better.. I don't want to sway you but its just gonna chop years off your life!!

Danielle Lynn Detjen Don't say that. You just can't see the forest through the trees :C

Jeffrey J Reeder "Oak"ay. I do have more puns.

Danielle Lynn Detjen That's the spirit! I was worried you were going all sappy on me!

Jeffrey J Reeder I wood have had you not inspired me!

Danielle Lynn Detjen Indeed, power and dedication are the roots of success!

Jeffrey J Reeder It wasn't from shellac of trying!

Danielle Lynn Detjen I'm gonna have to log that one lol

Mihaela Mihaescu Cherry Omg.. this I hillarious

Cate Mountford You two have me in stitches here!!

Jeffrey J Reeder I was "pine"ing over that one for quite some time...

Jeffrey J Reeder Peter Kapitola is missing out! He's the king of puns! He'd cut us both down!

Danielle Lynn Detjen Lol its been quite a lot of fun when you're board ;)

Danielle Lynn Detjen Ironically I expect Joe Wood to roll in with some puns or memes any minute 

Jeffrey J Reeder If this joke fell in the forest and nobody was around to hear it, wood it still make a 

Danielle Lynn Detjen I'm worried now... Peter would willow at our corniness lol We're gonna be struck down real soon!

Peter Kapitola Well this has been quite a treet.

Peter Kapitola Sorry I took so long lumbering my way over here.

Danielle Lynn Detjen Peter! I figured you were at the beech! Welcome to our little pun grove. :)

Peter Kapitola I bough to your pun mastery.

Danielle Lynn Detjen I'm gonna go out on a limb here.. but this has been amazing lol

Peter Kapitola I think it might be time to head for bed.... for rest that is.

Danielle Lynn Detjen It's definitely midnight for me.. gotta log off for the night ;)

Plane Clothes Policed

QANTAS not budging on dress code despite backlash

QANTAS is making no apology for refusing poorly dressed passengers entry to its major airport lounges, despite some travellers taking to social media to complain.

"“Since yesterday the only discrepancy has been with customers wearing rubber and leather thongs which are no longer within the dress code guidelines. “We appreciate this may have caused some frustration but we’re not in a position to flip-flop on the policy.”

Kerryn Kapitola I bet some PR customer service clerk was getting miffed at the backlash and decided to put a little joy in his/her life.

Peter Kapitola Yeah, and they made sure they plugged the QANTAS club while doing so. They're such unashamed Pluggers.

Kerryn Kapitola Worse yet, they might consider making people dress up before they board, but that could just be a FLIGHT OF FANCY thankyouimdone.

Peter Kapitola I bet some people think this policy is a Croc.

Kerryn Kapitola Ugg, I don't see what the big deal is aboot, but give them time, I guess, and they'll heel.

(See how I slippered those puns in there? )

Brittany Crook That was a bit of sneakery there, Kerryn!

They could just make everyone take-off their shoes before entering, so they don't get sand al over their floors.

Peter Kapitola I guess they just like loafing around and will use whatever platform they can to clog up the system with complaints.

Boyd Zurg That would be a soleless policy, Britt

Daniel Braithwaite So, only the well heeled get access now...

Steve Shepherd Peter & Kerryn, you should be writing Bill's Zingers! Vicki x

Brittany Crook Converse-ly, Peter, perhaps they're making a pointe that they won't buckle under pressure to loosen their stance, even if it does tie up the system.

Peter Kapitola Still(etto), I can understand how some people find this insoleting, promoting calls for QANTAS to get off their high (heeled) horse, which is riding rough-shod over its customer's feelings and putting down its footwear it really shouldn't. Perhaps Mary Jane could broguer an amicable solution?

Electrical Pun Storm

...no Morse...

Chris Roberts Cleaning out some boxes and found a bunch of extension cords that I'd forgotten that I had. Made me happier than is probably justified.

Richard Nicholls Shocking.

Chris Roberts Revolting

Katrina Sherwood How did I know this would spark off?

Chris Roberts Sorry, I'm just so amped.

Richard Nicholls That hertz

Peter Kapitola This is currently my favourite thread on Facebook.

Rebecca Tinley This thread won't lead anywhere good - cord you guys just put a socket in it and move on?

Daniel Braithwaite This deserves a plug

Daniel Braithwaite And whilst this thread is live it is impossible to be neutral about it, however a time will come when we are brought down to earth.

Boyd Zurg Let's just stay grounded about this, Dan

Kerryn Kapitola More power to ya!

Richard Nicholls Seems this conversation's had a powerful surge in popularity.

Boyd Zurg Yep, and it's all your volt ;)

Richard Nicholls Watt!

Boyd Zurg Guilty as charged.

Richard Nicholls Ohm my.

Boyd Zurg Resistance is futile

Peter Kapitola I find this whole discussion electrifying.

Boyd Zurg It's just a phase

Peter Kapitola I'm at social thing all day today, which is impeding my ability to reply (hence the lag in my comments).

Brittany Crook Nothing wrong with being so positive about this, Chris; it's not like there's a code of conduct.

Peter Kapitola Yeah, a code of conduct...or anything like that.

Brittany Crook At least he's not all wired up about having missed them for so long.

Kerryn Kapitola This thread is going around and round in circuits, series-ly guys.

Peter Kapitola Well, we are pretty good at soldering on in the face of negative influences.

Matt Lydon It seems like this thread has reached out to a lot of people, and been a good outlet for their boardome

Peter Kapitola Chris, you left us in the dark regarding the quality of the cords. I guess I'll have to do my own investigations. I'm sure I'll be able to find some good leads.

Mirthday Party

Peter Kapitola So this blog has turned 1. Time for a mirthday party?

Adam Brown Onederful! I didn't think it'll last this long but obviously, uno best.

Peter Kapitola There are many who don't un-derstand. But yes, ein know best.

Boyd Zurg Wow, adin realise it's been that long!

Brittany Crook Will there be LOLly bags?

Boyd Zurg and beer?

Peter Kapitola Boyd - adin?

Boyd Zurg один. Say "i didn't" fast ..and bir is kyrgyz

Peter Kapitola Wow, Russian transliterated into an English pun. That has to be a record.

Milking It

Peter Kapitola If you ask one million people to open a carton of milk and pour a glass of it, probably 100,000 will spill some milk, 10,000 will spray milk on themselves while trying to open the carton, 1,000 will drop the carton all over the floor, 100 will manage to break the glass, 10 will cut themselves on said glass and 1 will somehow manage to set fire to the room. #designingabetterfool

Chris Roberts not worth crying over.

Peter Kapitola Chris, I knew you were going to milk this joke for all it's worth.

Chris Roberts Oh dairy me.

Daniel Braithwaite Which is why you should always take the udder option

Joel Reid Please stop milking it.

Peter Kapitola You didn't like Dan's comment Joel? Was there something it lact?

Chris Roberts This is getting cheesy. You guys had butter step up your game or I will cream you. Your comments have all lacked. Oh Snap!

Peter Kapitola You sound a bit sour Chris. Do you expect us to just cow-er before your pun mastery?

Amy Fletcher I can't believe I just wasted 2 minutes reading your bad punnery!

Peter Kapitola You didn't like them Amy? No whey! There's a real Kraft to doing puns, and not everyone can master it.

Joel Reid Yeah you gotta be as cool as ice about it, Peters has it creamed.

Peter Kapitola I bet Amy really wants us to lait off it now. But I've never been one to see a pun and let it brie.

Regressive Humour

Anton Hallam Hello all. For those that are interested, it seems results for Semester 1 have been posted.

Daniel Braithwaite Thanks for the pass on with this Anton, credit where credit is due, and done with such distinction.

Anton Hallam Hahaha. I didn't know they had a unit for forced puns in second year!

Brittany Crook Ahh, Dan wouldn't fail to C A chance to B punny.

Daniel Braithwaite Yep, always playing the percentages.

Brittany Crook see what I mean.

Brittany Crook not just your average joker.

Daniel Braithwaite I do try to stay ahead of the curve, but one mustn't think of oneself too high. Distinction and acting in such way is important.

Brittany Crook Agreed - one must keep with one's standard. Deviation from it should result in seeing oneself out - 'lier' is never a description worth achieving.

Moon-a-story.

Zac Ogilvie I'm pretty tide but I could maybe do a couple [of moon puns]. You lunartic. I'll need some space to come up with a crater response than this...

Brittany Crook ... So you can eclipse all previous comments with your amount of cheese?

Zac Ogilvie I'm taking one small step back here. Don't want my dark side exposed.

Brittany Crook Maybe if you plan et carefully you could rock it with your comme(n)t.

Zac Ogilvie I give up, don't mean to wane but there's definitely egg on my phase.

Brittany Crook Aww don't stop! If it's any constellation, you could have a quick nap - tune in again after the Buzz of your alArm. Strong commitment to such a mission is attractive.

Zac Ogilvie You're too stellar Britt, it doesn't buggy me but I've got 'naut left in my boosters.

Brittany Crook Ur an ace! Anyone would Neil before your superior stardom, cos most aren't asterrific. You sat elite, beyond e-ven us.

These Puns Are Hardwaring

Never assume the Bunnings staffworker knows what they actually sell. I wanted the screw on the left, only to be told they don't sell them. Well they do, they just happen to be packaged with small hinges.

Kyle Carter You could say he was trying to screw you, butt that hinges on how specific you were

Peter Kapitola I didn't know you adoored a good pun too Kyle! Thanks for your joinery into this conversation.

Damien Bailey Nice puns men. Nailed it.

Kerryn Kapitola I'm inclined to say that planely, this thread is spiraling out of control.

Peter Kapitola Hmmmm, finding new puns is getting hard - ware can I find some more?

Chris Roberts Punnings?

Peter Kapitola Pun Masters might have some too.

Peter Kapitola Can we drill a bit deeper and hammer out a few more? I think I can handle that without becoming unhinged.

Chris Roberts Your call Peter, you're driving this bit of humour. If you don't want it to go flat - head over and ask for Phillip's puns (also Allen's key to this sort of thing). However I don't think that all of this torque is fixing anything.

Peter Kapitola Don't forget Stanley - he's good at cutting right through to the good stuff.

Damien Bailey We must adhere to the rules though. Make sure these puns are as tight as my chiselled abs.

A Chemical Punstorm

Peter Kapitola Why are chemists so bad at conflict resolution? ‪#‎chemistryjokes‬

Peter Kapitola Because they think the best way to neutralise a caustic remark is with a vitriolic reply.

Kylie Dospisil I was thinking they were good at conflict resolution because they always know how to neutralise the situation.

Peter Kapitola You'd think that, wouldn't you. Yet this is one metaphor that translates very badly into real life. Two nasty statements don't neutralise each other, they just make everything worse. 

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
- Proverbs 15:1

Chris Roberts Probably like most of us they find it easier to just react, rather than put in the work to find a good solution.

Chris Roberts But they should know that basically if you react acidicly you'll just be insalted (and you-oughter).

Brittany Crook We all need, periodically, a titre rein on our tongues, son.

Peter Kapitola The above advice may sound bromidic, but it certainly helps to diffuse tricky situations (rendering them inert) and promote bonding.

Brittany Crook Yes, positivity is an attractive quality.

Peter Kapitola True. Too many people just say "Na BrO", without even trying.

Puns, Damns Puns and Statistics

Peter Kapitola 
I wonder if we should force people to exercise in order to collect public health statistics? It's the age old question - do the endorphins justify the means?

Chris Roberts Personally, whenever I have to write a column of averages, I always add enough zeros after the decimal point to make all of the numbers the same length. That way the ends justify the means.

Kerryn Kapitola I'm just mean.

Wimbledon't.

Kerryn Kapitola Watching the tennis as the player and umpire share a fun conversation.
Mum: "He's flirting with her."
Me: *panics* "That's because, uh, love, tennis, love zero, court... there's a joke in this somewhere!"

Kerryn Kapitola "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND LOVE ON THE TENNIS COURT."
That's what I should have said.

Peter Kapitola Careful Kerryn, to a tennis player, love means nothing.

Kerryn Kapitola But gotta play to see if you'll have a good match.

Kerryn Kapitola But thanks, I know to be forewarned is to be forearmed.

Peter Kapitola You don't want to get served.

Kerryn Kapitola I'll take it as a backhanded kind of compliment.

Peter Kapitola OK well, give it a shot, you'll probably have a ball-boy won't that be fun!

Kerryn Kapitola Well yeah, from what I can de-deuce, I'll be all set.

Peter Kapitola Ace-rtainly can't fault you there. I hope your courtship ends with you netting a winner.

Kerryn Kapitola Lhawkeye can't stand any more puns, we need to be quiet please and stop making a racquet.

Jarod Vice Set-ing each other up, dont get court.

Peter Kapitola I guess I could let it go. I would feel more Serene-a.

Kerryn Kapitola I could make a Graf of how bad these puns are, but I think it's Steffi-cient to say that reading them is Agassi Andre-aining.

Well they aren't.

Peter Kapitola In Soviet Russia, dissenting thoughts are not aloud.

Pregnant Paws

Peter Kapitola Due any day now. My back is killing me!

Peter Kapitola If it's a girl I'll call her Mel.

Adam Brown I reckon it'll be a boy - it's just my gut feeling

Peter Kapitola Your prediction may be born out.

Kerryn Kapitola These puns are so laborious.

Peter Kapitola Hopefully they induce at least some laughter.

Kerryn Kapitola I thought we'd have delivered all available puns, but I caesar many puns still yet to be conceived.

Peter Kapitola Yes, we're only in our infancy.

Adam Brown We shouldn't let the lack of obvious puns de-fetus.

Peter Kapitola Your reasoning is ultra-sound.

Peter Kapitola It's great to test your attitude towards pregnancy and see it come up so positive. I would hate to think you were all anti-natal.

Pun-gonophobia

Peter Kapitola I wasn't sure about my beard. Then it grew on me.

Damien Bailey First grow a real beard :) lol

Peter Kapitola Oh Damo, you and your snideburns.

Peter Kapitola I think this level of beard is the most Jessie can handle-barring a change of heart.

Jessie Kapitola It's the puns, not the beard, I object to!

Peter Kapitola You moustache me to stop?

Peter Kapitola Maybe I should make amends with Jessie and whisker away on a European holiday?

Peter Kapitola It'll be a close shave though. This pun-soup strainers my relationship with Jessie and seems to razor ire.

Professional Arguments

Peter Kapitola Sonographers make great debaters - their logic is ultra-sound.

Kerryn Kapitola Well, they'd have a good discussion with the people at the Mint, those guys are always making cents.

Peter Kapitola Don't get me started on pi makers through, those guys are completely irrational.

Peter Kapitola Oh, and farmers. They're always putting up straw men.

Ter Ry Xray techs probably see straight through your arguments. And guys from beacon can shed some light on the issues.

Out Standing in Their Fields

Peter Kapitola Urologists make great academics. They often do seminal work.

Brittany Crook Nephrologists make great surfies. They're totally tubular. Dude.

Chris Roberts So do neurologists, but it's all just head knowledge.

Brittany Crook Anaesthetists are excellent mathematicians. They know how to use numbers stunningly well.

Peter Kapitola People from Poland make great post-impressionists.

Brittany Crook Chris Roberts: unless they're focusing on peripheral matters. Then their heart and hands get involved too.

Brian Kippin Physios??? anyone?

Chris Roberts Physios make great teachers. They are good at stretching people.

David Mully Mullender Gastroenterologists enjoy woodworking. They make good stools.