Quick Unpickard

Larry Travis I'd call that a new low.

Peter Kapitola Yar.

Peter Kapitola Don't worry Larry, it's just a phase...er, no it's not.

Larry Travis I'm glad you haven't felt defensive and put your shields up.

Peter Kapitola But surely you can join me on this punning Enterprise?

Shawn Klimek Sorry, not this generation.

Peter Kapitola But I just know you vulcan!

Shawn Klimek That’s your human side talking.

Larry Travis You really thought we'd be in stitches laughing at this?

Peter Kapitola That's the hope to which I was Klingon.

Larry Travis Sorry I had to pick that hope like a bird of prey!

Adam Philp It sew sees what you did there.

Peter Kapitola That makes it all Worf it.

Kwal-a-tea Puns

Peter Kapitola I feel like anyone old enough to purchase a coffee mug should have a handle on all this by now.

Peter Kapitola Hmmmm, I always contain liquid and I don't always stay upright. Should I be concerned?

Chris Roberts Following instructions has never been your cup of tea.

Peter Kapitola I embrace non-conformitea.

Adam Brown Stuff this up and you'll look like a right mug.

Peter Kapitola And your confidence will start flagon.

Chris Roberts Surely we can saucer cuple of other's comments on this? Daniel, Britt? Boyd? Kerryn?

Boyd Zurg Looks like a load of crock to me.

Peter Kapitola "Crock"...er...easy there with such talk Boyd, it upsets my friend Celine. Won't anybody think of poor Celine?

Peter Kapitola If you don't follow these instructions you'll end up looking a Royal Doulton social media.

Chris Roberts Look, we're going to get in plenty of hot water if we chai to please everyone. Mi local bar is ta place I learned that. *Cough easily offended cough*.

Mail-ificent

No, not like that...

Peter Kapitola If your letterbox doesn't have any numbers on it, you really need to address that.

Kate Wilson Bills are male. And fee mail.

Peter Kapitola If only they were free mail.

Kate Wilson If free mail were an option I'd be going for it post haste!

Peter Kapitola You would master that post!

Kate Wilson We should stamp this pun fest out before it's too late....

Kate Wilson How do letters get married?... They envelope.

Kate Wilson Guess I can slot a few in before bed.

Peter Kapitola You deliver them well.

Kate Wilson Really? Sometimes I feel like when it comes to puns I've left the fold.

Kate Wilson But this is going well so that's a good sign.

Kate Wilson When you receive a letter you're like an ocean hunter... tearing apart a seal :/

Kate Wilson It would be cool to work for the postal service... I wonder if they paper hour?

Kate Wilson Danny Green and my postman have something in common... they're male boxers!

Kate Wilson What do you say when it's time to open an envelope?... Letter rip!

Kate Wilson I didn't get a reply and therefore I resent it.

Writ Large

I had no idea this giant pencil was near where I work. #PokemonGo #discovery

Morris Evans 2B or not 2B?

Morris Evans (Thought I should take the lead in the puns this time)

Peter Kapitola Those are some pretty sketchy puns.

Morris Evans I don't want to (gra)phite about it

Peter Kapitola I wonder if we can draw others into this.

Mike Hughes I really wish you would just erase this post

...

Peter Kapitola No comments for 7 hours... I guess this post is stationery.

Peter Kapitola Wow this really developed from a little stub into something great. I guess we all like to sharpener wits in this manner.

Paul Steven Phillips It could have two erasers, but what would be the point.

Norway is this true.

Why do Swedish warships have bar codes on the sides? So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

Tracey Herridge are you Finnish with these terrible puns?

Lee Herridge I Dane not think he has.

Peter Kapitola Come on, they are admirable.

Lee Herridge Better than staring into your naval.

Dennis van Hout I feel ashamed for actually laughing at this abysmal pun..

Jason Bagwell I am firing everyone in here. Go home.

Peter Kapitola Aww... but think of poor Tracey... You'll destroyer.

Rob Bert I'm in Norway next month so I'll check for you!

Larry Travis I'm not sure I agree with your POSition on this.

Charon is carin'.

Jessie Kapitola Did you hear my groan from here?

Kerryn Kapitola JuPeter, are a pun lover.

Boyd Zurg Ju,Peter Saturn Uranus all day making puns, didn't you?

Keren Richards How does NASA organise a party? They plan et.

Peter Kapitola Mars tyu be so crude Boyd?

Australian Poly-ticks.

Peter Kapitola Bill may be Shorten answers, but most politicians are sKeating on thin ice and have no idea what they're talking Abbott. Those misCreants just love Swanning about Hawkeing their Ruddy policies, managing to Turn bull dust into believable promises, without a care for Howard dear citizens will suffer.

Lee Herridge What is with these Menzied attacks on the credibility of politicians?

Peter Kapitola I'm at my Whitlam's end.

Richard Kohlhagen I Pyne for some sensible policies. We should put a Holt to all this rubbish.

Boyd Zurg This may be true, Barton their defence the media often incorrectly reFrasers their statements.

Lee Herridge No Lyons - Reiding these puns is hard work

Peter Kapitola Though some consider these a Blight on the English language and want to Garrett me, I reckon these puns are too good to Latham to rest just yet.

Karoline All these budget broken promises put me on a Downer!

Peter Kapitola Many of us don't like the burden of responsibility so are happy to Palmer off to politicians, which is part of the reason for their Hanson salaries.

Turning the Vege-tables.

George Takei It's like he doesn't carrot all.

Kate Wilson OMG let the vegetable puns begin! Peter Kapitola get us started peas!

Kerry Egan He looks so swede. Turnip the dance music!

Kate Wilson Yeah, pumpkin out the beets!

Peter Kapitola Will I join in this pun-fest? Not nececelery.

Sara King Lettuce begin!

Tony Richmond Cool carrot but think it's missing the beet.

Peter Kapitola Yeah, he's a little bit rad. Not totally rad though. Rad-ish.

Peter Blankendaal I'd prefer four swedes to a carrot - I'm a big ABBA fan

Colleen Dixon That's not a pun, Peter. Somebody artichoke ya for that one.

Peter Blankendaal You're right Colleen, it is only a little pun; I believe it's a punnette.

Peter Kapitola Colleen, I think Peter was only pulling your legume ight want to be nicer to him in the future :)

Kate Wilson These puns are salad gold!

Peter Blankendaal I bean corny too long it is time to squash the fruits of my labours and turnip a new leaf.

Sub-standard Humour

They might be onto something here...

Daniel Braithwaite Getting that sinking feeling?

Daniel Braithwaite That headline is a real dive. One can't fathom...

Peter Kapitola This sort of humour is way out of our league (by about 20,000 or so).

Off The Rails

Peter Kapitola Do you think this is acceptable conduct or not?

Matthew Littlefield I'm not sure I'm following your train of thought. Maybe you can line out your points, so I can get on board with the way your thinking is tracking. Failing that maybe we will just be crossing lines.

Peter Kapitola Are you wheely interested? Or do you just want to know so you can ticket off your list?

Tiang Cheng i understand why she would want to brake off this relationship. He sounds coal-hearted.

Peter Kapitola Maybe he's just trying to gauge whether their relationship is going anywhere. Or maybe he just has loco motives.

Christian Pete

Not Great. Perhaps they need to pray and ask God to help them let off steam.

Jeffrey J Reeder Seems like she's trying to railroad him into breaking up. Bet she kicks his caboose right out the door!

Matthew Littlefield It really would be unfair for her to rail at him.

Electrical Pun Storm, Part 2

Morris Evans ΩMG

Michael Fiero I'm fraid the wire cant resist anything.

Peter Kapitola Wire you being like that?

Boyd Zurg but you need to refuse

Peter Kapitola Why? Is it against the code of conductor something?

Trevor Spangler You conducting an experiment here, Peter?

Morris Evans This always had the potential to induce the current surge of comments.

Daniel Braithwaite I'm going to elect Ron and then he will put a stop to these puns.

Daniel Braithwaite In the meantime well just solder on until we can get the situation rectified.

Peter Kapitola These puns are revolting.

Peter Kapitola They transformer person into something with no potential.

Peter Kapitola Maybe I'm just feeling a bit flat and need a recharge.

Boyd Zurg I diode to this punfest a long time ago

Boyd Zurg How do I impede the notifications?  :'(

Peter Kapitola Boyd you are showing your reluctance.

Boyd Zurg In admittance, there is still a compulsion to respond :-/

Punicycle

What's the difference between well dressed man on a unicycle and a hobo on a bicycle?
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Attire

Leith Rankine Attire

Leith Rankine I GOT IT

Brandy Chap Attire

Peter Kapitola Well done guyth. I think we can call this one clothed.

Kate Wilson Please don't threaden us with any more of these jokes.

Peter Kapitola Can I tailor them to suit you better Kate?

Boyd Zurg Yeah don't 'tread'en us Pete

Boyd Zurg And yeah, I like my clothes bespoke

Peter Kapitola These are mostly off the cuff. But I think they work better if you chain a few together without taking a brake.

Boyd Zurg As long as you don't recycle them

Kate Wilson These jokes are shirthouse

Kate Wilson Just sleeve me alone

Peter Kapitola I can't now Kate. I'm too invested.

Ter Ry This thread seems to have been derail(er)ed. Best to lever it alone.

Those are some Swede puns you might say.

I took a drill to some Expedit today... note the non-standard shelves.

Chris Roberts Nice work. Myshelf, I have no ikea how you were able to get it done so expeditiously.

Kerryn Kapitola Gee Chris, at least share some puns.

Tiang Cheng I'm storing those ideas for later

Peter Kapitola Chris is just being shelfish.

Chris Roberts I was just hoping that if I raised the bar, you'd put it together yourself that I've furnished you with an opportunity to really drill into this topic. If you tried, I'm sure it would work.

Kerryn Kapitola Allen keyp trying to do is make it work.

Adoorable Puns

I thought that my cupboard door would open easily, but there was a catch.

Erik Olsen Did your life hinge on if it would open?

Erik Olsen So could you handle the cupboard door opening.

Peter Kapitola Yes Erik I was a bit obsessed with it. I tend to latch onto ideas pretty strongly.

Erik Olsen I guess if all else fails you could just shelve it.

Peter Kapitola Yes but then I would just bolt straight to the next idea.

Richard Kohlhagen Don't drawer it out Peter, just get it fixed.

Pasta... Stat!

Chris Roberts I have to admit, I cook a mean spicy pasta. As long as by 'mean' you mean 'average'.

Peter Kapitola I think you're just experiencing impasta syndrome.

Tom Marshall Really using your noodle there

Daniel Braithwaite That's a pasta distribution I'm not looking forward to

Rick Davey Pass da pasta Pastor. Faster Pastor.

Anny Britt Mmmm spicy. Sounds like a pretty standard deviation from a traditional recipe.

Peter Kapitola Just remember, it should be al dente, not a la mode.

Framed

Peter Kapitola

Such a happily abusive picture frame. I'd be mad but he's so happy about it.



Daniel Braithwaite Glad you're not getting hung up about it

Peter Kapitola It's all about how you frame it Daniel.

Daniel Braithwaite It's important to stay fixed on the positive

Peter Kapitola Yeah I'm not taking it too hard - ware would I be if I did that?

Daniel Braithwaite Yes, it's important to view the bigger picture.

Peter Kapitola Yeah otherwise I'd be screwed.

Ter Ry Are you saying that it's knot important?

Peter Kapitola Frayed knot.

Boyd Zurg He looks rather high strung.

Tracey Herridge Maybe he was ti(r)ed and strung out after a long day, dealing with people who would knot listen and wanted to nail him for stuff he didn't do.

Ter Ry Seems to me he hasn't kept a level head either, who knows how this situation will unwind.

Morris Evans I think when your back's against the wall, it's natural to become a little tongue tied, but perhaps this guy is still smiling as he knows he can share the load?

Urine Trouble

Peter Kapitola When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Richard Kohlhagen Piss weak joke :)

Peter Kapitola You rolly gee ... what a burn.

Richard Kohlhagen Sorry, couldn't hold it in :)

Kerryn Kapitola That's my No. 1 favourite joke.

Richard Kohlhagen Careful, all this toilet humour can cause infectious laughter. You'll wet yourself.

Tap

Andrew Chan It's giving me a sink-ing feeling

Larry Travis You're all washed up.

Peter Kapitola I feel drained after this.

Larry Travis Water you talking about?

Peter Kapitola I'm talking about my friend Celine who was just in an accident. Poor Celine.

Larry Travis She's always in hot water.

Peter Kapitola Sorry, that was a bit of a shameless plug.

Larry Travis Wait, was that the accident at the construction site? The lady who crashed into the mixer?

Peter Kapitola Ir..well...I'd rather not say.

Larry Travis Celine was pretty good at plays-on-words, if I recall. If she joined us we wouldn't be able to countertop puns.

~

Peter Kapitola I am too embarrassed to say how long this took me to get.

In my defense, I may have been drinking.

Larry Travis Took a moment to sink in?

Peter Kapitola Yeah my brain wasn't flowing well.

Larry Travis Should I be basin any conclusions on that?

Peter Kapitola Maybe we should end this, sir, amic ably?

Larry Travis Tub-e sure, we should.

Peter Kapitola Yes, it's bringing out our vanity.

Larry Travis You just about bowled me over with that play on words, but don't get too enamelled with yourself!

~

Larry Travis Is that a "faux set" of instructions by any chance?

Morris Evans This is amazing

Larry Travis Tank you! On another posting of this, Peter really drained my store of pun creativity. We threw everything but the kitchen sink at it. I'm tapped and this was all I had left.

Unthinkable

Peter Kapitola To me, going through life without using your brain is unthinkable.

Adam Brown I wished for a world with no hypotheticals - I now can't imagine it any other way.

Peter Kapitola Can you imagine a world without rhetorical questions?

Ben Rae I don't get it.

Stephen McAlpine Been in Canberra too long Ben Rae

Ben Rae I've always felt my subtle sense of humour is under appreciated Stephen McAlpine :)

Stephen McAlpine I must be tired

Ben Rae Well, in fairness Shelley considers my sense of humour to be more down the "non-existent"

Chris Roberts To me going sailing without knowing the depth of the water is unfathomable.

Chris Roberts My friend Vizzini thinks that idea of not being able to have kids is inconceivable.

Peter Kapitola The erection of a wall around the apiary made for an unbeeleaveable situation.

Something Smells Punny

Jessie Kapitola: "What does the Pacific smell like?"
Clearly I didn't say "Pacific-Centred" very clearly. Clearly.

Jessie Kapitola :P

Kerryn Kapitola What an odourious question.

Peter Kapitola The heart has its reasons of which reason nose nothing.

Kerryn Kapitola But you know what they say... Love stinks