Go directly to puns

 Kate Wilson I bought a second hand monopoly set. It had no instructions. What are the chances?

Peter Kapitola Good idea to ask the community - they are a treasure chest of information. Mayfair winds be with you on your quest!

Kate Wilson aww you'll make me turn on the waterworks in a minute!

Peter Kapitola GO for it!

Kate Wilson I won't send you to jail.

Kezza Kay I almost won a Monopoly set, but in the end I only got second place.

Current Ideas on Parenting

Tim Valdez tagged Peter Kapitola 

Tim Webb Ohm my god this is punishing. Watt where you thinking? I'm giving this joke a lot of resistance.

Cate Mountford Omg literally went to share this on Peter s timeline 🤣

Peter Kapitola How revolting! That would make me say to him "Wire you like this?"

Kezza Kay This hertz.

Peter Kapitola It's shocking behaviour, really.

Jake Dupuis Ohms sure he'll enjoy it!

Sore Bones

Peter Kapitola

• Patient: When you do my surgery, can you let me close up the incision?
• Surgeon: Fine, suture self.

Ryan Hancock Too funny, had me in stitches 😂

Peter Kapitola

• Patient: Great! Can I do my own anaesthesia as well?
• Surgeon: Sure, knock yourself out.

Angry White Mail

Peter Kapitola If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN, you can make THEM VERY ANGRY.

Jessie Kapitola 🙄 

Jason Bagwell Jessie how do you cope?

Peter Kapitola I letter roll her eyes at me a lot.

Jason Bagwell Jessie, if he goes missing, we'll all understand. The Outback is huge.... just sayin.

Kezza Kay Do they go postal?

Peter Kapitola Nah, they take out their frustrations in a mailboxing ring.

Kezza Kay I mean, it's a good pun, but it is all about the delivery.

Peter Kapitola I'm glad that you've addressed this.

Kate Wilson Kezza and Peter, you know what they say about wordplay with siblings: puns in the family

Kate Wilson What about the people who deliver the bills? They're fee mail. And when a mailman and a mailwoman run away and get married, they envelope.

Food Time

 

Peter Kapitola Timely advice.

Kezza Kay But as a well-rounded meal, it tics all the boxes.

Kezza Kay And afterwards, you sleep like baby! ..Analog.

Peter Kapitola It's good with a nice temporal batter.

Boyd Zurg No, but I'd watch if you tried.

Boyd Zurg ..and maybe even lend a hand.

Kezza Kay and I'd lend a second hand.

Boyd Zurg Hour help will be Civil

Peter Kapitola You're all trying to wind me up, aren't you.

Boyd Zurg To make you go cuckoo.

Wong Lighting

The lights at the Chinese restaurant were too bright, so they decided to dim sum.

Corey Sullivan Stealing this 🤣🤣🤣

Peter Kapitola Corey Sullivan, I will not tolerate such won ton plagiarism!

Corey Sullivan I'm American if i see something I like I take it. 😂🤣😂

Ben Chin Oh this is so funny

Peter Kapitola It's good to see some pun lovers Peking their heads out.

Ben Chin Pun lovers? You mean bun lovers. 😋

SteveVicki Shepherd Peter Kapitola, you’re the master of this! 😂

Jessie Kapitola SteveVicki Shepherd DO NOT encourage him!

Peter Kapitola Jessie Kapitola So sweet, so sour...

Peter Kapitola They also realized that they were using far too much red and not enough beige. So they began the Beijing process.

Punway - Think Fresh

Peter Kapitola Everyone thought it was silly of me to invent a thought-controlled air freshener, but it makes scents when you think about it.

Kezza Kay Odour me.

Ben Chin Something smells funny here.

Brandy Chap This pun stinks.

Astro Nut

Peter Kapitola If someone dies on the International Space Station, do the newspapers print an orbituary?

Jarod Mellor Circular reference found

Jessie Kapitola No. No they don't.

Peter Kapitola Oh right. I suppose there's no space for it?

Tracey Smith Sorry Jessie - but these are funny.

Kezza Kay There's no space left in the newspaper because that's the thing about death in space... nobody can planet.

Rebecca Malcolm Even if they did, the newspapers aren’t in circleation there.

Peter Kapitola But Karman, it's for an astronaut! I guess you have to draw the line somewhere.

Punctuated Ovulation

Peter Kapitola This is eggxactly why punctuation is no yolk.

Kezza Kay I don't find ducks puns all they're quacked up to be.

Anny Britt Pretty fowl play to be pelleted at like that. Maybe the farmer thought you were a poacher.

Peter Kapitola It's only male farmers that do this sort of thing. We should allboomen!

Daniel Lefebvre These puns have left me a shell of my former self.

Peter Kapitola Are they scrambling your brain? Don't worry, this will all soon be over. Easy.

Daniel Lefebvre Omalet you get away with it this time.

Peter Kapitola Well I did poach this from your status, so I guess we're even.

Daniel Lefebvre Slow down and don't put all your eggs in one basket because even may be six of one but it might also be a half dozen of the other.

Gun Puns Done

Peter Kapitola Do gun manuals have a trouble-shooting section?

Jason Bagwell Who let you have access to a computer Peter?

Larry Travis This one wasn't too well received. It's like you're shooting blanks.

Peter Kapitola Are you saying I missed the target a bit? I hope I don't trigger anyone.

Larry Travis At least no one's up in arms about it.

Peter Kapitola Yeah. It didn't backfire too badly.

Larry Travis No firing squad for you this time.

Peter Kapitola It helps if the manual just uses bullet points.

Larry Travis I might need to rifle through a book of puns to keep up.

Peter Kapitola Do what you need to, Larry. I'm sure you can find some high calibre ones.

Larry Travis Maybe, but I'm not sure I can deliver them rapid-fire.

Peter Kapitola They come automatic to me. Well, semi-automatic at least.

Larry Travis I hope you don't run out of ammunition. Personally, I feel like I took a knife to a gun fight.

Peter Kapitola I hope I haven't breeched any social conventions here.

Peter Kapitola Someone might have to muzzle me.

Larry Travis I hope not. This thread ought to be more than just a flash in the pan.

Peter Kapitola If you take your gun to the used auto yard, you'll have a very different carbine experience.

Jedidiah Williams My puns are out of stock.

Larry Travis Time to reload?

Larry Travis Peter Now I don't know whether that pun was a dud or a lemon.

Peter Kapitola We sound like we're a bit loaded, butt it's all in good fun.

Peter Kapitola You'd think these puns would have stopped by now but we keep barreling on.

Larry Travis I'm having trouble thinking of new ones. It's like they're just out of range.

Jedidiah Williams Yep I think I need to adjust my sights.

Jedidiah Williams You'd think that as a vet id be able to come up with them more easily. Guess I am just having trouble locking and loading them.

Larry Travis You should have a handle on gun puns -- lock, stock, and barrel!

Jedidiah Williams I just don't have them in the chamber.

Boyd Zurg I'm kicking myself I missed this, it seems everyone's bolted already ..Anyone keen for another round?

Larry Travis I recoil at the thought.

Boyd Zurg Well that's one way to silencer conversation.

Larry Travis No, it's just that I'm having trouble thinking of new puns. I'd just be shooting from the hip!

Peter Kapitola I feel like my internal store of puns has been depleted right now. I guess we've reached the hollow point.

Larry Travis You've hit the bullseye with that comment!

Peter Kapitola Ah..mour are coming now!

Karoline Kapitola I cannon know why I musket involved in this...

Peter Kapitola Good to see you blunderbusst your way in. :)

Karoline Kapitola Well I was feeling a bit like Kate Bush with my mind going all bazooka..lol

Karoline Kapitola Got both damascus barrels rolling now....

Peter Kapitola I wonder if my friends Rick or Shay would like to join in too?

Larry Travis Calling in the heavy artillery?

Karoline Kapitola Wouldn't want them to feel ejectored?

Larry Travis I don't want to get caught in the crossfire!

Peter Kapitola I probably shouldn't invite Nikov though. Those two would definitely clashwithNikov.

Boyd Zurg He'd go ballistic!

Karoline Kapitola I might have lunch..might need to fill my jacket full of metal utensils.....

Larry Travis Armed and dangerous!

Karoline Kapitola I recoil at the thought really...

Larry Travis We've had our sights trained on the same target! I made that pun earlier. Great minds think alike!

Karoline Kapitola OK better go and muzzle myself now and do some work..or alternatively be tempted to read a magazine...

Larry Travis Will that be an adequate suppressor of your desire to make puns?

Boyd Zurg Have fun working on your project. ile go do the same I think

Peter Kapitola I hope we can get two score and seven likes on this post (AKA 47).

Larry Travis Mmm 16 so far.

Larry Travis No, 18. I was off-target by two.

Boyd Zurg That could be diffiColt

Boyd Zurg Maybe Winchester arrives he'll give you some more likes

Peter Kapitola I'll get Smith and Wess on board too.

Boyd Zurg I don't know why so few have "liked" it, tbh. It's a single-action!

Peter Kapitola They really should belt up.

Larry Travis All you have to do is point and click!

Boyd Zurg ..and hopefully don't cock it up!

Peter Kapitola That's it, I'm bringing the hammer down on all this laziness.

Boyd Zurg Good, it's getting on my nerf.

Larry Travis Didn't know you had such a hair-trigger, Peter!

Peter Kapitola My patience is shot.

Larry Travis Gee, I'd hate to be down range from you!

Peter Kapitola Yeah, you don't want me gunning for you.

Larry Travis Just put my "like" in now. Hope I dodged a bullet!

Peter Kapitola Well done! You're out of the firing line.

I feel Limousine

Peter Kapitola That setup is a bit of a stretch, but I like it.

Peter Kapitola Poor Jessie. My constant puns driver mad.

Jessie Kapitola Peter Kapitola you're killing me

Larry Travis I can understand why she gets tired of them.

Peter Kapitola Yeah, wheely tyred.

Larry Travis At least your puns are upfront, rather than sublimonal messages.

Piscine About

Larry Travis I'm perched and ready to grab this day by the sole of its feet!

Peter Kapitola I don't know... this Latin seems kinda fishy.

Larry Travis On what do you bass that conclusion?

Peter Kapitola I think the OP was just trawling.

Damon James I see you're trying to lure me in with puns, but I'm not taking the bait.

Larry Travis Hey, a comments section on Peter's post! Let's fillet with puns!

Damon James I sea what you did there.

Larry Travis Good catch!

Peter Kapitola Yeah, I fish for them often.

Larry Travis I've noticed! No one could say you need to widen your net.

Peter Kapitola Hmmmm.... what should be the next pun? I might have to mullet over.

Larry Travis I can't think of anyfin.

Killer Volts

Lee Herridge added a new photo to Peter Kapitola's timeline.

Peter Kapitola Nice! Except the right path in the bottom picture totally gives you a way to escape death.

Boyd Zurg Resistance is futile.

Kezza Kay Ohm My God.

Peter Kapitola I'm sensing a dark undercurrent to this post.

Kezza Kay I'm circuit all will be fine if we just conduct ourselves in a way that lives up to our high potential.

Peter Kapitola Some may ask wire we doing this.

Boyd Zurg I refuse to listen to those people

Peter Kapitola Good idea - they're so negative.

Morris Evans Yeah let's switch the subject.

Lee Herridge I'd have to say I don't glow why we're doing this. Maybe we feel powerless in the face of all these puns.

Morris Evans Someone needs to lock all of those killers up... in kilovolts.

Motelling what could happen

Peter Kapitola is at Comfort Inn and Suites Collie.

Kerryn Kapitola Are you inn comfort and feeling suite?

Peter Kapitola I feel like lodging a complaint about the quality of that pun. But I guess I can accommodate it.

Achilles, Heal Thyself

Peter Kapitola Never apollogize for making mythology puns.

Peter Kapitola I have nothing to be Thor-ry about.

Ben Chin Loki here, another pun.

Nick Whiley Oh look, everybody wants to be a Hera!

Tracey Herridge You guys, need to come up with new puns - Athenam all before...

Tiang Cheng Odin realise this.

Peter Kapitola Hey!-deez puns aren't that bad. Or perhaps we should have centaur puns to Tracey for checking first?

Tiang Cheng Speaking of, anyone else wanna visit Uranus one day?

Peter Kapitola Juno what Tiang? I think I'll pass.

Brandy Chap What the Valhall are you talking about this time?

Peter Kapitola Distance taurus apart but puns are bringing us back together.

Brandy Chap In the words of the great TSwizzle... we... are never, ever, ever getting back to-gaia.

Derek Guth Oh, limp us!

Gordon Cheng But if you do, you’re in danger of catching Hermes

Rob Hamm I try to keep my puns Loki, but I'm having a Hera-v a time with it.

Nick Whiley Hey! Dees are quite clever. Looks like you took a lot of Char-on thinking them up!

Nick Whiley Although that is really Poseidon the point, isn’t it?

Nick Whiley Some of these puns suggest the authors were drunk. Others were undoubtedly cerber-Is that enough for now?

Peter Kapitola If these puns are falling flat, perhaps someone Saturn them? Nevermind, I'll see if my friend Gemini can think of some more together.

Shawn Klimek Juno, I’m as Fauna puns as any Otter Nut, so Hera was Set to think up puns Hephaestus I could, but Dryad I might, it’s Artemis that the best ones were already taken. Hesperides are Helle good. (Io an apology since Minos so Lamia).

Peter Kapitola Atlas, we have a good string of puns!

Quick Unpickard

Larry Travis I'd call that a new low.

Peter Kapitola Yar.

Peter Kapitola Don't worry Larry, it's just a phase...er, no it's not.

Larry Travis I'm glad you haven't felt defensive and put your shields up.

Peter Kapitola But surely you can join me on this punning Enterprise?

Shawn Klimek Sorry, not this generation.

Peter Kapitola But I just know you vulcan!

Shawn Klimek That’s your human side talking.

Larry Travis You really thought we'd be in stitches laughing at this?

Peter Kapitola That's the hope to which I was Klingon.

Larry Travis Sorry I had to pick that hope like a bird of prey!

Adam Philp It sew sees what you did there.

Peter Kapitola That makes it all Worf it.

Kwal-a-tea Puns

Peter Kapitola I feel like anyone old enough to purchase a coffee mug should have a handle on all this by now.

Peter Kapitola Hmmmm, I always contain liquid and I don't always stay upright. Should I be concerned?

Chris Roberts Following instructions has never been your cup of tea.

Peter Kapitola I embrace non-conformitea.

Adam Brown Stuff this up and you'll look like a right mug.

Peter Kapitola And your confidence will start flagon.

Chris Roberts Surely we can saucer cuple of other's comments on this? Daniel, Britt? Boyd? Kerryn?

Boyd Zurg Looks like a load of crock to me.

Peter Kapitola "Crock"...er...easy there with such talk Boyd, it upsets my friend Celine. Won't anybody think of poor Celine?

Peter Kapitola If you don't follow these instructions you'll end up looking a Royal Doulton social media.

Chris Roberts Look, we're going to get in plenty of hot water if we chai to please everyone. Mi local bar is ta place I learned that. *Cough easily offended cough*.

Mail-ificent

No, not like that...

Peter Kapitola If your letterbox doesn't have any numbers on it, you really need to address that.

Kate Wilson Bills are male. And fee mail.

Peter Kapitola If only they were free mail.

Kate Wilson If free mail were an option I'd be going for it post haste!

Peter Kapitola You would master that post!

Kate Wilson We should stamp this pun fest out before it's too late....

Kate Wilson How do letters get married?... They envelope.

Kate Wilson Guess I can slot a few in before bed.

Peter Kapitola You deliver them well.

Kate Wilson Really? Sometimes I feel like when it comes to puns I've left the fold.

Kate Wilson But this is going well so that's a good sign.

Kate Wilson When you receive a letter you're like an ocean hunter... tearing apart a seal :/

Kate Wilson It would be cool to work for the postal service... I wonder if they paper hour?

Kate Wilson Danny Green and my postman have something in common... they're male boxers!

Kate Wilson What do you say when it's time to open an envelope?... Letter rip!

Kate Wilson I didn't get a reply and therefore I resent it.

Writ Large

I had no idea this giant pencil was near where I work. #PokemonGo #discovery

Morris Evans 2B or not 2B?

Morris Evans (Thought I should take the lead in the puns this time)

Peter Kapitola Those are some pretty sketchy puns.

Morris Evans I don't want to (gra)phite about it

Peter Kapitola I wonder if we can draw others into this.

Mike Hughes I really wish you would just erase this post

...

Peter Kapitola No comments for 7 hours... I guess this post is stationery.

Peter Kapitola Wow this really developed from a little stub into something great. I guess we all like to sharpener wits in this manner.

Paul Steven Phillips It could have two erasers, but what would be the point.

Norway is this true.

Why do Swedish warships have bar codes on the sides? So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

Tracey Herridge are you Finnish with these terrible puns?

Lee Herridge I Dane not think he has.

Peter Kapitola Come on, they are admirable.

Lee Herridge Better than staring into your naval.

Dennis van Hout I feel ashamed for actually laughing at this abysmal pun..

Jason Bagwell I am firing everyone in here. Go home.

Peter Kapitola Aww... but think of poor Tracey... You'll destroyer.

Rob Bert I'm in Norway next month so I'll check for you!

Larry Travis I'm not sure I agree with your POSition on this.